Hello? What Did You Say?

The slang that Dobie Gillis and Maynard G. Krebs used on the TV series The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959) probably made adults of the time scratch their heads. You dig?

I have worked in an undergraduate college for nearly thirty years, and I am extremely cautious (not to say paranoid) about using the slang words that I hear students use. Just today one of my students used the word skeevy in a discussion posting in an online course I am teaching. It was obvious from the context what it meant, but I would never use that word to students or in the presence of students. I figure, no matter how well-meaning I am, I'll sound like a jerk. I have enough problems being understood by my students when I use what you might call "educated" language. How would I sound if I tried to use their secret language? It's more educational, not to mention more satisfying, to have them work to understand my secret language!

For one thing, young people now use the same term I recognize from years ago to mean something entirely different. I am told that a young person today might use the letter H to mean very intense (hardcore), as in, "The words to that song are totally H." In my day, H was a slang word for heroin. There's a difference that could get you in trouble. OMG! Don't go there!

In fact, I sometimes wish I could purge some of the old slang words and expressions from my vocabulary. For example, if "Oh, gag me with a spoon!" were to escape my lips, how dated would I sound? (Answer: 1980's.) In German, Grufti (more or less meaning a "graveyard person") used to be a youth-slang term for elderly people. I'm sure it's archaic now. I'd rather sound ancient and overeducated to my students than like an old fogey. "You dig?" as the beatniks and hepcats of the past used to say.

Most slang changes so fast that by the time a Grufti knows what it means, it's already out of date. I mean, how do you get from groovy to rad to tubular to bitchin to sick? (I hope I have those in chronological order. Anyway, you get my drift.) One basic rule of thumb is that if you hear a word in an advertisement on TV, it's already dated, like chillin. Let's face it, if you can talk about chillin and Dr. Scholl's gel insoles in the same breath, chillin is archaic. You dig?

Should GM Go Bankrupt?

I don't imagine there are a lot of people in the world who have warm feelings about General Motors. I know I don't, although I have driven my fair share of GM cars over the years, including my first-ever brand new car, a Pontiac Grand Am. (Most of the paint fell off.) I drove that car into the ground, almost literally, and after that I switched to Nissan. It's doubtful I'll ever turn back. At the present time, I'm driving a 2003 Nissan Sentra that is paid for, and I'm planning to keep on driving it as long as possible. If GM is waiting for me to buy one of their cars, they may as well file for bankruptcy right now.

The fact is, no one wants GM cars anymore. Apparently the company is currently losing $2 billion a month , and GM cars are not leaving the showrooms. At the beginning of the week, GM's tops executives (each in his own private jet) showed up in Washington, DC to ask for a $25 billion bailout, but at that rate of loss, what good would $25 billion be? It doesn't really matter, because Congress sent GM home empty-handed. "Come back when you have a plan," said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. At that rate, they'll never be back.

But if they don't get a bailout, apparently bankruptcy is the only option. Everywhere I look, I see editorials and articles in the media saying that GM should go bankrupt. I think there is a certain element of Schadenfreude in the thought of GM in bankruptcy, but it's hard to say they don't deserve it. The management is lousy and arrogant, the union workers are allegedly overpaid and unproductive, there are far too many GM dealerships, and most of the GM models are big, ugly gas-guzzling monsters. Of course, a lot of Americans enjoy driving big, ugly gas-guzzling monsters. They must, or the Hummer could never have been marketed and sold.

Back in the day, they used to say, "What's good for General Motors is good for the country." Now the question is, if General Motors goes bankrupt, what will happen to the country? How many jobs will be lost? How many business, even industries, will fold up and disappear? Can we really let them go bankrupt? Wouldn't it be better to bail them out with strict conditions that would force them to completely reorganize and redirect themselves? So far, GM apparently has no plan except more of the same. No one changes organizational culture overnight, and getting rid of two of its corporate jets isn't a reorganization plan. And no, guys, the Chevy Volt won't save General Motors.

I don't know what the answer to all of this is, and it's making me crazy. But if I were pressed to make a prediction, it would only take three words: GM is toast.

First Snow

Fresh snow on the leaves of a Japanese Maple tree.

Let it be recorded: On Monday, November 17, 2008, in Oswego, New York, I had to clean about four inches of heavy wet snow off my car to drive to work. Most of the snow actually fell the night before. During the day on Sunday, which was overcast and very windy, I heard ice pellets rattling against the windows from time to time, but in the evening we had a snowstorm with thunder and lightning, which I always feel is kind of eerie. This morning, with the temperatures in the low 30's, the snow was so heavy and soaking wet that it was hard to get the snowbrush to lift it off the windshield. The streets in my neighborhood had not been plowed, so there were fairly deep ruts where the tires of the cars had driven their way through the layer of snow and slush. I hate this kind of weather. The only thing worse is ice, and that, no doubt, will be coming soon enough.

Mind you, they have already had considerable snow-- measured in feet-- to the north of us. Up there on the Tug Hill Plateau their most abundant crop is snow, and the high time of the year is when the snowmobilers come to disport themselves on the trails over the fields and in the woods. Thank God I don't have to live up there. If I did, I'd have moved out long ago, not to Florida or someplace like that, but to a place where they have "normal" winters. Oswego, maybe. At least, Oswego would be fine if they would only clear the sidewalks, but people don't always do that. Where my friends live in Germany, the law requires property owners to shovel their sidewalks. Not here. And my employer, SUNY Oswego, is pretty lax about shoveling, too, which simply makes me crazy.

There are, of course, many people who would say that a normal winter in Oswego, New York is one with only eight feet of snow. That may be true, but eight feet spaced out over the four or so months of "official" winter isn't so bad. When you get eight feet of snow-- or ten or twelve-- in the course of a few days, I have to admit that it's pretty bad. In February 2007, for example, the city of Oswego got about ten feet of snow in just over a week. Further north, in the town of Redfield, they got about twelve feet. The Governor declared a state of emergency, and Oswego County, which often meant the city of Oswego, because it was more accessible, was filled with reporters from the national media like USA Today and CNN, standing in front of towering snowbanks and shivering as they reported. ABC News reported that Redfield, located perfectly on the Tug Hill Plateau at the eastern end of Lake Ontario, averages 270 inches of snow a year, and joined the other news media in explaining to the uninitiated the mysteries of lake effect snow.

The fundamental reason why the notion of a normal winter in Oswego is problematic at best is the phenomenon of lake effect snow. All of the area immediately to the east of Lake Ontario gets lake effect snow, but some places get it worse than others. Basically, the places of higher elevation downwind of the lake get the worst of the lake effect, by which is meant the Tug Hill Plateau and towns like Redfield, Boonville, and Carthage. Thankfully, most of the Tug Hill is forested public land with a small resident population. You can well imagine that most people are not lining up to live there, but it is great for hiking, camping, and fishing in the good weather. And, amazingly enough, people do travel there from other parts of New York state and out of state to use their snowmobiles in the winter. I think it's wonderful that there are some people who have a use for all that snow, as long as I don't have to be one of them.

In the meantime, I am reminding myself that it is not uncommon to get a few days of snow in the City of Oswego in November and then have practically no snow until mid January. That is what happened in the winter of 2006-2007. Of course, in February 2007 we then got ten feet of snow. But that was an anomaly, I think. I hope so anyway. I really do.

Munich's Hunting and Fishing Museum

Statue of a wild boar outside the entrance of the German Hunting and Fishing Museum in Munich

If you walk along the Neuhauserstrasse from the Karlsplatz to the Marienplatz in Munich, you pass a large statue of a wild boar, usually with one or two people sitting on it. Close by is a bronze statue of a catfish. These statues frame the entrance of the German Hunting and Fishing Museum (Deutsches Jagd und Fischerei Museum).

I couldn't tell you how often I have passed by this museum, but it wasn't until this year that I actually went in and looked around. My nephew Dan and I had spent many hours in the Deutsches Museum, the science and technology museum that is one of Munich's most enduring attractions. After lunch, we had just enough time to go over to Neuhauserstrasse to look at the Hunting and Fishing Museum. Germany has a great hunting and fishing tradition, and the museum is devoted to the activities and equipment of hunting and fishing, the animals and fishes that are or were hunted, and a number of artworks devoted to hunting and fishing.

If you are into taxidermy, you'll love this museum, because every animal, bird or fish that lives in Germany is there. Some of the exhibits are pretty old, but they're still very impressive. On the landing of the second floor, there is an enormous skeleton of a prehistoric elk. It just towers over you when you look at it. This is in addition to all the bears, deer, wolves, foxes, badgers, rabbits, and any other animal you can think of, including quite a number of wild boars. The Hunting and Fishing Museum can be described as quite rich in stuffed wild boars, including the one whose snout is just peeking out between two of the rows of cases of stuffed birds. If you want proof that Germans have a sense of humor, the positioning of this boar will do it.

There is a huge collection of hunting weapons, from spears and crossbows to rifles and shotguns, and all the paraphernalia that goes with them. Some of them are beautifully engraved and decorated. You can certainly see that the German nobility loved hunting. There are also many examples of boats and fishing equipment, including bone fish hooks that go back to the Stone Age. In addition to the animals and weapons, there are exhibits of hunting clothes and accessories.

This may all sound a little strange, but if you're tired of touring churches and art museums and you like history, this may be for you. Dan and I enjoyed it very much.

Understudy Gets Eleventh Hour Chance in Shanghai

Radek Stepanek showing off his socks?

They're playing the ATP Tour Tennis Masters Cup in Shanghai this week. In this end-of the-season event, the top eight men's players in the world compete in a round-robin event, followed by knock-out semifinals and a final. The winner goes home with more than a million dollars, the equivalent of a Grand Slam purse, plus ranking points and bragging rights.

Before the event started, Frenchman Gilles Simon, ranked ninth in the world, got his chance to compete in Shanghai when number-one player Rafael Nadal withdrew because of a knee injury that occurred in the final tournament of the regular season. Czech player Radek Stepanek was on vacation in Thailand when he got an eleventh hour call to come to Shanghai to substitute for Andy Roddick, who had sprained his ankle. Stepanek grabbed his chance and took off for Shangai. Unfortunately, he didn't have any tennis gear with him, and his own equipment did not arrive in time for his match against number-two Roger Federer.

Stepanek went begging for equipment among the other players. He didn't even have contact lenses with him, but his prescription was made up in Hong Kong. Finally, with a racket borrowed from Novak Djokovic and socks borrowed from Andy Murray, Radek Stepanek took the court. He lost in straight sets to Federer, but he has the chance to play one more match in the round-robin before being eliminated. By that time, Stepanek will have his own equipment, but if I were he, I'd keep Andy Murray's socks. The way Murray has played this year, those socks may have some magic in them

Are You Ready for a Throwdown?

These days, nearly everybody knows chef and restaurant owner Bobby Flay.

The Food Network has made changes in its approach recently. Star chefs Emeril Lagasse and Mario Batali have made way for wildly popular and much-imitated cooks Rachael Ray and Paula Deen. Straight cooking shows have had to cede pride of place to competitions, like Iron Chef America and Food Network Challenge, and semi-reality shows, such as Ace of Cakes and Dinner Impossible , not to mention The Chef Jeff Project, in which an ex-con turned star chef takes a half dozen street kids and tries to turn them into food professionals . In addition, much more attention is given to lifestyle shows and travel shows, such as Rachael's Vacation and Road Tasted With the Neelys.

Mario Batali's new food program, Spain . . . On the Road Again, itself a kind of "travel" show, is being broadcast in prime time on public television, which has also welcomed Chinese-American chef Ming Tsai, once a Food Network regular. According to Batali, “They [the Food Network] don’t need me. They have decided they are mass market and they are going after the Wal-Mart crowd,” which he said was “a smart business decision. So they don’t need someone who uses polysyllabic words from other languages.” Frankly, I agree with him. Food Network made a conscious decision to go mass market, which basically involves a certain amount of "dumbing down" as well as a focus on entertainment rather than instruction. This means that I watch fewer Food Network shows, but I confess that I still do have a favorite, that strange mixture of reality TV and cooking competition called Throwdown With Bobby Flay.

For the less hip among us, a throw down is a fight or a street fight. If someone disses you, you have to throw down. Get it? In the Food Network vocabulary, a throwdown has become a challenge to a competition. Star chef Bobby Flay goes to the home territory of a food professional and challenges him or her to a competition cooking their signature dish. Sometimes this is something Flay is also expert at, such as grilling, and sometimes it's something out of his normal repertoire, such as wedding cake or soft pretzels. No matter, Flay and the expert do battle before an audience and the results are judged. Every week, someone wins and someone loses.

The major catch is that, while Bobby Flay knows what is going on from the beginning, the other cook is caught by surprise. The featured food professionals think that they are going to appear on a segment of a Food Network series. They are filmed talking about their business and their food, then some sort of party is given, at which the professionals are supposed to give a demonstration of their signature dish. When the party has started, Bobby Flay shows up and issues his challenge, and the throwdown begins. In the beginning, the food professionals were genuinely shocked to find themselves nose to nose with Bobby Flay. Often the audience recognized the famous chef even before the food professional did. Now it's harder to catch the contestants by surprise, but even so, they have to go head to head with Bobby Flay on television.

Most of the food professionals, once they have gotten over their surprise, take the challenge in stride. After all, they are on their home territory cooking their signature dish, and they're going to appear on a nationally broadcast television show. If they win, they get bragging rights and great free publicity, and even if they lose, they still get great publicity, as well as the sympathy vote for having been ganged up on by the Food Network. It's really hard to go wrong, although it's also clear that none of them wants to lose. In one show, Bobby Flay cooks eggplant parmesan on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx, in the heart of Little Italy. The cook he has challenged says, "What? An Irish guy is going to beat me making eggplant parmigiana? Forget about it!"

However, occasionally the food professional is not only shocked but displeased. Sometimes this is reflected in a cool politeness, such as the episode about Buffalo chicken wings or the one about seafood gumbo, but one cook, New York City doughnut expert Mark Isreal, basically threw a hissy fit on television, even though he won the challenge. This behavior did not get him much sympathy on the blogs, where the nicest thing said about him was that he was a "donkey." Considering that Bobby Flay himself does not inspire much affection from the foodie bloggers, the Mark Isreal episode sent Flay's stock up with some of his most persistent critics.

Bobby Flay's record in the Throwdown challenges is 16 wins, 1 tie, and 34 losses. Given some of the shows I have seen, such as the one about macaroni and cheese, or the coconut cake episode, Bobby won a few he should have lost. However, he is always extremely polite and respectful with the other chef, win or lose, and he absorbs a lot of good natured ribbing, as well as the odd insult. When Mark Isreal tried Bobby Flay's doughnut, he barely took one bite and dismissed it: "Doughy." He also refused to shake Flay's hand. Yes, he was indeed a donkey. Honestly, I think one reason I like the show is because it's short and Bobby Flay gets heckled so much by the other chefs. When he challenged her to a chicken-fried steak throwdown, fellow Food Network star Paula Deen told him she was going to "kick his butt," then proceeded to do so. He just smiled. That has to be worth something. It's fun, and I like it.

Food for Life

Rice in the field in Taiwan.

Did you know that a blight threatens bananas and plantains, the world's favorite fruit and the staple food of western Africa? Did you know that climate change is affecting the production of rice, the staple food of Asia? Did you know that your rising milk prices in the USA are due to an increase in the consumption of milk in China and India?

Sometimes there is a common food crop that is underappreciated, such as potatoes. The World Food Program does not use them in its food aid program because they are too heavy to ship and spoil too easily. Despite being perishable in hot countries, potatoes provide a great deal of nutrition, and China, India, and many developing countries are trying to increase domestic potato production. Clearly, this is a trend that should be applauded.

Other excellent sources of food are barely known outside of a small area, such as quinoa, a protein-rich edible seed that can be cooked and eaten like rice. Quinoa is native to Peru, Bolivia, and Chile, and has been called Inca rice. Its nutritional quality is higher than most grains, but it only grows where days are short and temperatures are cool. The only place in the USA where quinoa is grown commercially is Colorado. The production of quinoa as a food crop is spreading into other areas of South America, such as Ecuador, Nicaragua, and Venezuela. However, since quinoa is a finicky crop, it will take much experimentation to determine which other countries might be able to grow it. Imagine a substitute for rice with almost twice the protein! Unfortunately, quinoa needs cool temperatures, and rising temperatures in the world are already threatening the production of rice. Unfortunately, the decision in the USA to set aside a large percentage of corn for the production of ethanal has also led to rice hoarding in some Asian countries and a global rice price crisis. Food scientists are trying to come up with a strain of rice tolerant to higher temperatures, but finding cool mountainous areas in which to grow quinoa would be helpful. What about Afghanistan, for example?

Then there is the banana crisis. Bananas and plantains are the fourth most important staple food crop in the world. A plant disease called Panama Blight is threatening to kill off the Cavendish banana, the commercially grown variety that feeds most of the world. In the past, Panama Blight destroyed the Gros Michel banana, which made the banana the world's most popular fruit. If Panama Blight spreads from Asia to South America, the commercial banana industry that feeds the United States and Europe may be wiped out. Scientists are trying use genetic engineering to make the Cavendish blight-resistant, but whether that is possible is anyone's guess at this point. Bananas may be the world's favorite fruit, but its starchier relative, the plantain, is a food staple in South America and Sub-Saharan Africa. The plantain is also susceptible to crop diseases, but biotechnology is being applied to develop disease resistant strains. If bananas and plantains were to disappear, it would take a lot of potatoes to replace them.

Finally, the price of milk has risen sharply as the cost of animal feed has risen and milk consumption in countries like China and India has increased. A long-lasting drought in Australia and New Zealand has added to the problem, because these countries are important milk producers. To add to the milk misery, China, which imports milk powder from other countries, is also a milk powder exporter. Recently it was discovered that Chinese producers had mixed the chemical melamine with their liquid milk, apparently to increase its protein content. This led to the deaths of Chinese infants because of tainted baby formula. Soon after, it was found that tainted milk powder had made its way into products sold in the West. The British candy maker Cadbury had to recall products made at a plant near Beijing.

This is only one of the food scares that has arisen because of lack of oversight in China's food industry. So, if people don't starve to death, their food may well poison them. Just when you thought you didn't have anything else to worry about . . . .